Finding the One
Assembled were three young men and two young women, all in their twenties, all working in their first full-time jobs following graduation from college. All single but the one young man who was celebrating his first wedding anniversary, happily. His name is Ken, his younger brother's Kevin. The other young man asked to be called Thor. The gals' names were Erica and Sara. The debate went like this:
Thor: I'm almost ready to give up on finding a good girlfriend.
Erica: What's a "good" girlfriend?
Thor: You know, someone I can trust, to be faithful and considerate and...
Kevin: good company in every environment.
Erica: Oh, okay. As long as you don't mean "obedient" or something like that.
Thor: Well, that too! No, no - I'm just kidding. I respect a woman's independence -
Ken: You'd better or you're not going to end up with a girlfriend, good or otherwise.
Thor: I know but I go to the clubs looking for her and either the girls there don't want to give me the time of day or they're willing to go out with me and then I know there's something wrong with them.
Sara: Something wrong with them? Don't you think you're setting yourself up for failure with that loop?
Thor: What loop?
Sara: Either they're not willing to go out with you in which case you lose, or they are willing but that's proof there's something wrong with them which means you still lose.
Ken: - like Groucho Marx said, "I don't want to be a member of any club that would accept me as a member." What's your alternative then?
Kevin: I see what they're saying. You have to think that maybe there's a possibility it could be a good thing for the woman to say "yes" or else why bother asking her out?
Thor: Yeah, maybe. I see what you're saying to a certain extent but what about when you do your best to make a good impression and take her to nice places and you pay and pay and keep paying and she still doesn't want to sleep with you by the fifth date?
Erica & Sara: By the fifth date??
Erica: Where did you -
Sara: - come up with that number from?
Thor: Well, you have to draw the line somewhere.
Ken: But if you draw the line like that, you'll miss out on quality women. You can't just have a set number or rule like that which doesn't account for the unlimited factors at play. Each woman is different and you have to respond to her uniqueness if you want to get anywhere.
Sara: Now you see, that's why Ken is married...
Kevin: Yeah, Ken is the king! He's going to make me a proud uncle!
Thor: Well, have any of the women here been out with a guy for more than five dates without sleeping with him and then still ended up with him afterwards?
Erica: Yes, well it can be a bit more complicated than that. When I have ended up in a relationship it has always been with a man who was already a good friend of mine. We would hang out and go to movies together and for coffee and everything but it would be hard to say if our time together constituted dates. The feelings could creep up on you and before you know it you're kissing this person that you didn't necessarily realize you were physically attracted to.
Sara: And I've had the opposite experience of going out with a guy for the first time and he's expecting and pushing for a kiss already! Where does he get off? It's irritating - you didn't even know his name before that day when out of a class of nearly 200 people, he asks you to Starbucks and accompanies you afterwards to the extent that he walks to the same train station where he's pressing you for a kiss! How ridiculous.
Thor: Yes, that is a bit ridiculous but what about the second or third date? If a woman doesn't kiss me by the end of the second date, I write her off.
[Everyone else chuckles.]
Kevin: Good luck, man.
Ken: Yeah, good luck!
Alright, y'all. You have our best wishes in finding the right person!
(This debate's to be continued next week.)
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